I have blogged in over 2 months now. Not that there hasn't been plenty to blog about, because there has been an abundance of every day going ons that I sure would spark someone's interest. The point is, I've lost myself, which seems to be the opposite of what I had hoped to be this time of year, especially now. I had a hysterectomy back in September, which has improved my health tremendously. I no longer suffer from the debilitating pain that occured on a daily basis. I forgot what life was like without physical pain. I have been suffering from daily headaches since October, but the pain is nowhere near what I had experienced with the Endometriosis.
So, here I am, feeling lost. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm working full time at the DOL, and part-time as a supervisor at Kmart. When I'm not working, I'm tryingto tend to Nicole's emotional needs/wants, as she too doesn't know what to do with herself.
I feel like I'm not enjoying life as Ishould, or even living is as I should for that matter. Christmas is right around the corner, and I've realized I buy for everyone to make myself feel better. I really don't care about getting presents, because I find joy in watching everyone else open their presents from me. Of course, I tend to go overboard, and end up regretting that in the long run.
I wish I felt like really writing. I remember when I was younger, I was passionate about aspects of my life, and would write poetry as if I were repeatedly writng my name. Words seemed to flow, never-ending. I could sit and write a number of poems a day, each reflecting on a different part of myself, each full of emotion and conviction. I had an emagination that knew no bounds, writing as if I had fell into the rabbit hole from Alice In Wonderland. Nowadays, I do good to write even a small handful of poems in a year's time. I feel no passion for anything. I just feel as I'm here, nothing more. I truly hope the New Year offers some purpose.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
An Article I wrote about two years ago
One of my friends came across this article that I had written, that I had actually forgotten about. Thought I would share:
Some people would say, "Of course there's a link between infertility and depression. Wouldn't you be depressed if you tried to conceive and couldn't?" Point well taken. As the layers of this subject are peeled back, and the nature of this "relationship" is revealed, more relevant points will be made, and hopefully, a better understanding of how the mind and body work together, and against, each other.
Depression is one of those subjects that some handle too lightly, while others don't handle lightly enough. Most of this stems from ignorance, lack of information about the disease, it's symptoms, treatment, and how it affects everyone, not just those who personally suffer from it. Infertility is a lot like that as well. Once most women reveal to others that can't conceive, it either becomes a hush-hush subject, or everyone is offering advice, usually unwanted at that. People should realize that with both depression and infertility, as well as any other condition, manners and respect should be shown when discussing it. Let the person dealing with it talk, and if they ask for your opinion or advice, only then should you speak up.
As a society, most of us are aware that when something you deem as traumatic or live-changing in a negative way takes place in your life, depression will run its course, whether it be for a short duration, or over a long period of time. Unlike sadness, depression eats at your thoughts, sucks away your energy, leaving you a shell of your former self.
Women who try to conceive and find out they can't because of infertility are more likely to be depressed than women who don't suffer from infertility. This makes sense. As we look closer at the two, we find that the symptoms can be reversed, and you get the same outcome. A woman can be depressed, and the depression can trigger infertility. Is it possible? Yes, and we'll look at how.
Studies have show that women who have healthy eating habits, and get regular exercise and sleep are more likely to conceive than females who eat junk food and live a sedentary lifestyle. So, what does this have to do with depression? A lot. Women who are depressed do not eat well, have no energy for exercise or anything else, and most are sleep deprived, or don't sleep well when then do sleep. The physical ramifications of depression are just as much a problem as the mental and emotional strains it puts on a person. Steps can be taken however, to check for problems with both depression and infertility. Deciding what to do next is one of the most important parts.
After it had been established that one suffers from both depression and infertility, all options should be discussed. Your doctor may want to treat you for depression, and infertility, but it may be better to deal with the depression first. If a person can get through the depression ,and start living a happy, healthy life, tests for infertility should be ran again. There's no need to get on fertility drugs unless you want to take the chance to have multiple births. Being happy, getting plenty of sleep and exercise, and eating healthy may be all the help you need. Also, give yourself time to conceive. It is suggested that women under 35 try for at least 12 months be for consulting their doctor. Over 35, should try for 6 months. In addition, an ovulation kit and fertility monitor bought over the counter may be something to consider as well.
No matter which came first, the depression or the infertility, taking care of one's self is always top priority. Regular physicals and check ups should always be a part of your life, to make sure you stay healthy and happy!
Some people would say, "Of course there's a link between infertility and depression. Wouldn't you be depressed if you tried to conceive and couldn't?" Point well taken. As the layers of this subject are peeled back, and the nature of this "relationship" is revealed, more relevant points will be made, and hopefully, a better understanding of how the mind and body work together, and against, each other.
Depression is one of those subjects that some handle too lightly, while others don't handle lightly enough. Most of this stems from ignorance, lack of information about the disease, it's symptoms, treatment, and how it affects everyone, not just those who personally suffer from it. Infertility is a lot like that as well. Once most women reveal to others that can't conceive, it either becomes a hush-hush subject, or everyone is offering advice, usually unwanted at that. People should realize that with both depression and infertility, as well as any other condition, manners and respect should be shown when discussing it. Let the person dealing with it talk, and if they ask for your opinion or advice, only then should you speak up.
As a society, most of us are aware that when something you deem as traumatic or live-changing in a negative way takes place in your life, depression will run its course, whether it be for a short duration, or over a long period of time. Unlike sadness, depression eats at your thoughts, sucks away your energy, leaving you a shell of your former self.
Women who try to conceive and find out they can't because of infertility are more likely to be depressed than women who don't suffer from infertility. This makes sense. As we look closer at the two, we find that the symptoms can be reversed, and you get the same outcome. A woman can be depressed, and the depression can trigger infertility. Is it possible? Yes, and we'll look at how.
Studies have show that women who have healthy eating habits, and get regular exercise and sleep are more likely to conceive than females who eat junk food and live a sedentary lifestyle. So, what does this have to do with depression? A lot. Women who are depressed do not eat well, have no energy for exercise or anything else, and most are sleep deprived, or don't sleep well when then do sleep. The physical ramifications of depression are just as much a problem as the mental and emotional strains it puts on a person. Steps can be taken however, to check for problems with both depression and infertility. Deciding what to do next is one of the most important parts.
After it had been established that one suffers from both depression and infertility, all options should be discussed. Your doctor may want to treat you for depression, and infertility, but it may be better to deal with the depression first. If a person can get through the depression ,and start living a happy, healthy life, tests for infertility should be ran again. There's no need to get on fertility drugs unless you want to take the chance to have multiple births. Being happy, getting plenty of sleep and exercise, and eating healthy may be all the help you need. Also, give yourself time to conceive. It is suggested that women under 35 try for at least 12 months be for consulting their doctor. Over 35, should try for 6 months. In addition, an ovulation kit and fertility monitor bought over the counter may be something to consider as well.
No matter which came first, the depression or the infertility, taking care of one's self is always top priority. Regular physicals and check ups should always be a part of your life, to make sure you stay healthy and happy!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Is Chuck Liddell a sell-out?
I was just reading over the list of the newest competitors of Dancing With The Stars. I've never really been a big fan of the sow, but seeing which celebrities sign on to compete is quite amusing at times. As I read names such as Melissa Joan Hart, Mya, and Kathy Ireland, I was a bit surprised. I was however, in complete shock to read one name in particular: Chuck Liddell.
For those who really know me, I'm a UFC fan. Chuck Liddell is one of my favorite fighters. The Iceman does a great job of holding his own in the Octogon, and I respect him for that. I'm not sure how I feel about his new gig as a dancer though. Maybe he wanted to take on a new challange, and a challange it will be. Most people wouldn't view Chuck Liddell as graceful, or even light on his feet. Thinking about seeing him do the Tango, Fox Trot, or even Waltz is unfathomable at this time. I just don't know what to make of it.
Is Chuck Liddell a sell-out? Some would say yes. Do I agree with that? Probably not. I will however, try to remember to watch an episode or two to see Chuck and his fancy foot work.
For those who really know me, I'm a UFC fan. Chuck Liddell is one of my favorite fighters. The Iceman does a great job of holding his own in the Octogon, and I respect him for that. I'm not sure how I feel about his new gig as a dancer though. Maybe he wanted to take on a new challange, and a challange it will be. Most people wouldn't view Chuck Liddell as graceful, or even light on his feet. Thinking about seeing him do the Tango, Fox Trot, or even Waltz is unfathomable at this time. I just don't know what to make of it.
Is Chuck Liddell a sell-out? Some would say yes. Do I agree with that? Probably not. I will however, try to remember to watch an episode or two to see Chuck and his fancy foot work.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Mondays are tiring
School started back for Nicole last Friday, so I'm having to back into the "school" schedule. Thanks to Nicole wanting to run out the door and get to school exceptionally early, I arrived at work 40 minutes before my start time. Thank you Nicole, for making your mom prompt :)
It's around 4 pm, which means I will be out of here in a few minutes. I'm tired. I've been yawning for a while. I would blame it on lack of sleep, but my friend Benedryl rocked me peacefully to sleep last night. I also washed the bedding, and sprayed everything down with Fabreze, so the bed smelled and felt nice, like what I imagine clouds in Heaven are like. Between you and me, if I'd actually drink water, I'd probably feel a lot better. that, and if I were to motivate myself to exercise every once in a while, though I know I should be shaking my bon bon everyday....
Mondays wear me out, as I'm sure they do most people who keep a weekday work schedule. The only thing I like about Mondays is the fact that I get to watch one of my most favorite shows tonight: Secret Life of the American Teenager. I know it's meant for a younger crowd, like around 13 to 18, but I like the show because it gives me the opportunity to talk to Nicole about sex. For those of you who don't know, the show is about an Honors student who gets pregnant at 15, and how it has impacted her life. Not the Disney channel by any means, but I'm not raising a sheltered child either. So, that's what I have to look forward to this Monday. That, and the fact that I have $800 worth of Premier Jewelry waiting for me at home (don't worry, it's not all mine). Did I mention I'm watching my 2 month old nephew for a week while my sister and her husband go to Florida? Good times keep on comin'...
It's around 4 pm, which means I will be out of here in a few minutes. I'm tired. I've been yawning for a while. I would blame it on lack of sleep, but my friend Benedryl rocked me peacefully to sleep last night. I also washed the bedding, and sprayed everything down with Fabreze, so the bed smelled and felt nice, like what I imagine clouds in Heaven are like. Between you and me, if I'd actually drink water, I'd probably feel a lot better. that, and if I were to motivate myself to exercise every once in a while, though I know I should be shaking my bon bon everyday....
Mondays wear me out, as I'm sure they do most people who keep a weekday work schedule. The only thing I like about Mondays is the fact that I get to watch one of my most favorite shows tonight: Secret Life of the American Teenager. I know it's meant for a younger crowd, like around 13 to 18, but I like the show because it gives me the opportunity to talk to Nicole about sex. For those of you who don't know, the show is about an Honors student who gets pregnant at 15, and how it has impacted her life. Not the Disney channel by any means, but I'm not raising a sheltered child either. So, that's what I have to look forward to this Monday. That, and the fact that I have $800 worth of Premier Jewelry waiting for me at home (don't worry, it's not all mine). Did I mention I'm watching my 2 month old nephew for a week while my sister and her husband go to Florida? Good times keep on comin'...
Friday, August 7, 2009
My beautiful baby girl
Nicole isn't little anymore, nor is she a baby, but she will always be my baby. My baby is growing up, and though I miss her being little and don't really want her to grow up, I'm proud of the young lady she is becoming. She has some beauty pageants coming up, and I hope she does well. For those of you wondering, they're natural beauty pageants. I'd never put my child in a glitz pageant. Those are not for us. Besides, Nicole doesn't require a spray tan or false eyelashes. God gave her what she needs :)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
He's Here!!!
My nephew, Zachery Levi Vaughn, was born June 10, 2009, at 10:03 pm, via C-section. He weighed 8lbs.3 oz and was 20 1/2 inces long. He is such a good baby. I think he looks a lot like his big sister Samantha, and his mommy Felisha. I can only hope that if I have another one, my baby is as cute as Zach.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Gary Allan's Stalker Drama
For anyone who actually knows me, you may find this a bit comical, and some of you may wonder if I were the one doing the stalking. I have many a friend and family member make jokes about me stalking Gary Allan. Funny as it is to laugh about such things, this is a serious matter. Gary has been stalked by a crazed fan for around 4 years now, and hopefully, his nightmare is coming to an end. I don't know the details surrounding the case, but it has to be a scary, mentally and emotionally exhausting thing to deal with. As big a fan as I am, I'd never revert to stalking, and certainly not burglary and vandalism. In my book, that's really no way to show your adoration.
A Nashville-area woman arrested for stalking country star Gary Allan will appear in court Wednesday (May 27) in Gallatin, Tenn., for a hearing on charges of burglary, vandalism and stalking. Allan is scheduled to appear during the hearing at the Sumner County Courthouse. Police arrested Katherine Walker following a May 2 incident at Allan's home in Hendersonville, Tenn. His attorney, Bill Ramsey, is expected to present testimony and evidence related to stalking incidents that have taken place during the past four years.
A Nashville-area woman arrested for stalking country star Gary Allan will appear in court Wednesday (May 27) in Gallatin, Tenn., for a hearing on charges of burglary, vandalism and stalking. Allan is scheduled to appear during the hearing at the Sumner County Courthouse. Police arrested Katherine Walker following a May 2 incident at Allan's home in Hendersonville, Tenn. His attorney, Bill Ramsey, is expected to present testimony and evidence related to stalking incidents that have taken place during the past four years.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Danny Gokey starting a new chapter
Last night, as I watched American Idol, I was on pins and needles. Ryan Secrest kept faking everyone out, waiting until the very end to reveal the top seats for the finale. When he called Kris Allen's name first, I believe I stopped breathing for a moment. Could it be? Was Adam Lambert actually gone? For the life of me, I couldn't, wouldn't believe that Danny was gone. The man had never been in the bottom 3. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Danny Gokey, my pick to win since his audition, was voted off. I was sad, but not necessarily because his journey to win the title was over. I was sad that I want see his smiling face next week. I cried for his journey he made to get there, all the heartache and happiness he's been through the past 11 months. Danny Gokey is a genuinely kind soul, and no one can deny that. Maybe Danny didn't win the crown, but he's still my idol.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Could I Be...
As I sit here at my desk, I contemplate the one question I've asked myself every month for two years now: Could I be pregnant? This is no new journey for me in the sense that I was pregnant with Nicole 10 years ago. It is new territory in that with Nicole, I wasn't anticipating pregnancy. With Nicole, I wasn't even expecting it. I was 19 and thought I had years before I would even consider it. Now here I am 10 years later, and I crave pregnancy. I want to take the test and see two lines. I want to have my doctor confirm it with a big bright smile, and say, " You're pregnant!" I want to surprise my husband Josh and Nicole by letting them unwrap a gift box containing a onesie. I want to have the expanding belly, the gigantic boobs, the wonderful pregnancy glow. I want to have that magical, powerful feeling that only a conception can bring. I want to experience all the things I did 10 years ago, but I want to share it with Nicole and Josh. I want them to know the joy I felt. I want Nicole to know what her mama is like when she's pregnant. I want Josh to know what it feels like to have a biological child. I want to teach a little one all the things I taught my first born. I want to hold a baby, my baby, once again.
Monday, April 6, 2009
I'm Walking For Babies!
This past Friday, I had an opportunity arise that I felt compelled to take advantage of. On May 3rd, I will be participating in the March of Dimes Walk in Chattanooga, TN. This will be the first charity walk I've ever done, and I feel really good about it. I'm in the process of raising money for the cause, and I hope to raise at least $200. If you're interested in donating, check out the link below:
http://www.marchforbabies.org/gapeach79
You can donate from this page, as well as check out my page and the other members of my team, The Chattanooga Cherries! Also, if you'd like to come out and give us some moral support, we'd appreciate that too!
http://www.marchforbabies.org/gapeach79
You can donate from this page, as well as check out my page and the other members of my team, The Chattanooga Cherries! Also, if you'd like to come out and give us some moral support, we'd appreciate that too!
Monday, March 30, 2009
blah, blah, blah
I'm not sure what I really feel like writing about today, I just feel like writing. It's Monday. and Mondays are always such a strain for me. I never want to get up. Of course, Iwas up until Midnight, and woke up a few times throughout the night. that may have had something to do with the sweet tea and candy I had before going to sleep. What can I say, I have a sweet tooth, and it usually strikes at night.
Josh and I spent all weekend being lazy. I didn't even get out of my pjs Saturday until about 7 pm. We watched Ultimate Fighter all day Saturday. Pretty fun. I like watching how all these guys live together, then fight each other. Or how there's a few who talk smack about each other, fight, then say how much respect thet have for the other one. It's pretty funny.
Yesterday, we watched CSI: Miami for most of the day and night. The acting isn't that great, but I am a sucker for the storylines. I like trying to figure out what's going on and who done it. I'm pretty good at it, better than Josh anyway. What's funny is that Nicole has a pretty good grasp of what's going on most of the time too. That's quite impressive for a 9 year old.
Anyway, I'm tired, and I still have about 2 hours of work left, then a ball game. If I can get out of here in time, I can go home and take a 30 minute nap, or at least veg out on the sofa for 30 minutes. You guys have fun...
Josh and I spent all weekend being lazy. I didn't even get out of my pjs Saturday until about 7 pm. We watched Ultimate Fighter all day Saturday. Pretty fun. I like watching how all these guys live together, then fight each other. Or how there's a few who talk smack about each other, fight, then say how much respect thet have for the other one. It's pretty funny.
Yesterday, we watched CSI: Miami for most of the day and night. The acting isn't that great, but I am a sucker for the storylines. I like trying to figure out what's going on and who done it. I'm pretty good at it, better than Josh anyway. What's funny is that Nicole has a pretty good grasp of what's going on most of the time too. That's quite impressive for a 9 year old.
Anyway, I'm tired, and I still have about 2 hours of work left, then a ball game. If I can get out of here in time, I can go home and take a 30 minute nap, or at least veg out on the sofa for 30 minutes. You guys have fun...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Baby Fever
My sister is pregnant with her second child. She's having a little boy, due in June. My friends Melissa and Bill are expecting a little girl. I believe she's due in June as well. I am so happy and excited for them both, but I must confess: I WANT A BABY!!!!
Anyone that knows me knows this isn't new. I've been ranting and raving about it for some time now. The things is, for a few months, I'll want a baby, then I'll change my mind. I think about how wonderful it would be to give Josh a son or daughter, and Nicole a brother or sister. I think about how I enjoyed being pregnant with Nicole 10 years ago, and how healthy I was then. I remember all the attention I would get, everyone making a fuss over my expanding belly. It was magical.
Then I think about all the stuff I could do if I were pregnant, or had a baby. No more modeling, no theme park rides, no bikini shopping, no more feeling like a young mother. I'd be the woman with a 10 year old and a newborn. Some people would call that crazy.
I had a dream Saturday night about me being pregnant. Melissa was in the dream too. Then Sunday night, I had a dream about Melissa and my sister Felisha. Is it that I'm just so obsessed about being pregnant that I have baby fever, resulting in such dreams?
I was 19 when I became pregnant with Nicole. I didn't know then how precious that time is. Now that I'm 29, and having trouble getting pregnant, I feel like I may have taken it for granted. There's a chance I'll never physically have another baby again. To realize that breaks my heart. The one thing I wasn't ready to do at 19 I want to do at 29. Go Figure.
Anyone that knows me knows this isn't new. I've been ranting and raving about it for some time now. The things is, for a few months, I'll want a baby, then I'll change my mind. I think about how wonderful it would be to give Josh a son or daughter, and Nicole a brother or sister. I think about how I enjoyed being pregnant with Nicole 10 years ago, and how healthy I was then. I remember all the attention I would get, everyone making a fuss over my expanding belly. It was magical.
Then I think about all the stuff I could do if I were pregnant, or had a baby. No more modeling, no theme park rides, no bikini shopping, no more feeling like a young mother. I'd be the woman with a 10 year old and a newborn. Some people would call that crazy.
I had a dream Saturday night about me being pregnant. Melissa was in the dream too. Then Sunday night, I had a dream about Melissa and my sister Felisha. Is it that I'm just so obsessed about being pregnant that I have baby fever, resulting in such dreams?
I was 19 when I became pregnant with Nicole. I didn't know then how precious that time is. Now that I'm 29, and having trouble getting pregnant, I feel like I may have taken it for granted. There's a chance I'll never physically have another baby again. To realize that breaks my heart. The one thing I wasn't ready to do at 19 I want to do at 29. Go Figure.
Monday, February 2, 2009
I'm Featured!!
Check it out: http://www.webdigestweekly.com/
One of my poems is featured, and I'm quite proud I must say. :) Yay me!
One of my poems is featured, and I'm quite proud I must say. :) Yay me!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I need help, or lessons in self-control
For the past few nights, I've been eating cake icing. Yeah, you read it right. Chocolate fudge cake icing. After Nicole goes to sleep, I pull the tub of sweet chocolaty goodness out of the fridge and lose myself in it's euphoric, endorphin-inducing love. My husband just looks at me and laughs. I'm not sure if he's laughing because I look ridiculous carrying around a container of cake topping, along with spoon and Coke in hand. I'm not sure if the bad part is that I'm consuming this stuff, or that I'm doing it at 10 o'clock at night. I know I should feel bad, or at least guilty, but I don't. I find that indulging in such sweets reduces my stress, and makes me feel so much better. It's like getting a hug from your favorite grandmother.
Now for the even worse part. I brought my icing to work with me today, and have been eating it on the sly. How gluttonous can one person be? Right now, I feel like puking from eating as much as I have. This was/is to be the year I started eating healthier and exercising. From the looks of things, I've not kept that promise to myself at all. Then again, I never set an actual date as to when I would start doing all of those positive things I just mentioned. Maybe sometime after Valentines would be a good choice at this point. Who can really expect me to not eat chocolate when we are on the heels of the commercially-pushed chocolate season? Maybe I can blame society for subliminally sabotaging my diet before I even started it. How's that for putting the blame elsewhere? :)
Now for the even worse part. I brought my icing to work with me today, and have been eating it on the sly. How gluttonous can one person be? Right now, I feel like puking from eating as much as I have. This was/is to be the year I started eating healthier and exercising. From the looks of things, I've not kept that promise to myself at all. Then again, I never set an actual date as to when I would start doing all of those positive things I just mentioned. Maybe sometime after Valentines would be a good choice at this point. Who can really expect me to not eat chocolate when we are on the heels of the commercially-pushed chocolate season? Maybe I can blame society for subliminally sabotaging my diet before I even started it. How's that for putting the blame elsewhere? :)
Friday, January 16, 2009
Daniel "Danny" J. Gokey
Season 8 of American Idol kicked off Tuesday night, and much to my delight, there were quite a few "freaks" on the show. I know it's horrible to take delight in how these people are oblivious to the fact that they can't sing, but I am only human.
Wednesday night offered a few more sad, unfortunate individuals, but there was a truly unique, talented person who caught my eye. Daniel J. Gokey, a 28 year old music teacher from Wisconsin. What made his story so touching was the fact that his wife Sophia had passed away 4 weeks before his audition. To know that he had the strength to keep living his life and pursue his dreams despite such a devastating loss was and is truly inspiring. Oh, and did I mention he looks like Robert Downey Jr.? That just upped his coolness right there. That, and the fact that he can really sing!
So, from the start, I'm rooting for Danny. I know some would say it's early to pick a favorite, but I'm gonna stick with my gut feeling on this one. I hope you all get a chance to watch, and that you too see the talent in this young man.
Wednesday night offered a few more sad, unfortunate individuals, but there was a truly unique, talented person who caught my eye. Daniel J. Gokey, a 28 year old music teacher from Wisconsin. What made his story so touching was the fact that his wife Sophia had passed away 4 weeks before his audition. To know that he had the strength to keep living his life and pursue his dreams despite such a devastating loss was and is truly inspiring. Oh, and did I mention he looks like Robert Downey Jr.? That just upped his coolness right there. That, and the fact that he can really sing!
So, from the start, I'm rooting for Danny. I know some would say it's early to pick a favorite, but I'm gonna stick with my gut feeling on this one. I hope you all get a chance to watch, and that you too see the talent in this young man.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Where does time go?
The other night, I stood in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. I remembered that I had looked at the clock before I went in there, and the time was 10:47pm. It occured to me that I had been home from work for 6 hours, yet it felt like the night had flew by. I began to wonder where the time went. I can account for 6 hours at work, they tend to drag on. It just seemed to me that my evenings at home with the family are never long enough, which is sad because here lately, I've been spending that time in negative moods. If I'm not angry and aggitated, then I'm tired and worn down. Sometimes, the hours after work seem so busy, so rushed, that even if I am in a good mood, I don't slow down enough to enjoy it. It's really starting to bother me.
I look at Nicole and realize I need to change my ways. She is now 9 years old, and growing up everyday. Before I know it, she will be grown and gone, and I'll wonder where the time went. I'll only have myself to blame for not living in the "now", and truly enjoying it. Ican only hope that it isn't too late, and that time will begin to slow down for me, and I canenjoy every minute of it.
I look at Nicole and realize I need to change my ways. She is now 9 years old, and growing up everyday. Before I know it, she will be grown and gone, and I'll wonder where the time went. I'll only have myself to blame for not living in the "now", and truly enjoying it. Ican only hope that it isn't too late, and that time will begin to slow down for me, and I canenjoy every minute of it.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Now that I've calmed down a bit...
I started this blog and just started throwing all sorts of stuff on here. I decided I should slow down and actually type some words of meaning, words of "right now".
I'm at work right now. Work is for The State. I would say where, but that's on a need-to-know basis at this point. My job is not a glamorous one, but a lot of people think it's important due to where I work. It's funny how that happens. A person could say they work at NASA, and most would automatically assume that person was a brilliant mind. We take for granted the fact that person could actually just be the janitor. With that said, I work for the State, and I'm not a janitor. Do with that info what you will.
2009 has started out to be the kind of year that I hope goes well, but have no expectations for. With the current standing of the economy, the irrational behavior of most individuals, and my daily struggle with bipolar disorder, I'm not really sure what's in store for the new year. I can only hope that the responsible decisions I have chosen will be followed through on, and that I will be better because of it, if only financially. I know I should wish for health and eternal happiness, but I can only manage one aspect of disarray at a time. Common since tells me to fix the money first.
With that being said, here's my list of things I hope to do and/or accomplish in the new year:
*Pay off my loans, stop spending freely, start saving and set a budget
*Join a gym (seriously) Not only to get in shape physically, but mentally and emotionally
*Win the lottery (Don't we all!)
*Write a book (or at least start one)
*Meet Cassandra King (she is such a wonderful author)
*Go on a trip (one that requires at least 8 hours of driving, or a plane ride)
*Start going to church (I would like to find one that fits my beliefs, that I am comfortable with)
*Be a better wife and mother (I know my husband and daughter would agree)
*Get pregnant (this one is a toss-up. I leave it in God's hands. He knows what's best for me)
Ok guys, that's all I have for right now. I'm sure some other random thought will take over my mind, and I'll once again share with you!
I hope you all have a blessed day!
Cynthia
I'm at work right now. Work is for The State. I would say where, but that's on a need-to-know basis at this point. My job is not a glamorous one, but a lot of people think it's important due to where I work. It's funny how that happens. A person could say they work at NASA, and most would automatically assume that person was a brilliant mind. We take for granted the fact that person could actually just be the janitor. With that said, I work for the State, and I'm not a janitor. Do with that info what you will.
2009 has started out to be the kind of year that I hope goes well, but have no expectations for. With the current standing of the economy, the irrational behavior of most individuals, and my daily struggle with bipolar disorder, I'm not really sure what's in store for the new year. I can only hope that the responsible decisions I have chosen will be followed through on, and that I will be better because of it, if only financially. I know I should wish for health and eternal happiness, but I can only manage one aspect of disarray at a time. Common since tells me to fix the money first.
With that being said, here's my list of things I hope to do and/or accomplish in the new year:
*Pay off my loans, stop spending freely, start saving and set a budget
*Join a gym (seriously) Not only to get in shape physically, but mentally and emotionally
*Win the lottery (Don't we all!)
*Write a book (or at least start one)
*Meet Cassandra King (she is such a wonderful author)
*Go on a trip (one that requires at least 8 hours of driving, or a plane ride)
*Start going to church (I would like to find one that fits my beliefs, that I am comfortable with)
*Be a better wife and mother (I know my husband and daughter would agree)
*Get pregnant (this one is a toss-up. I leave it in God's hands. He knows what's best for me)
Ok guys, that's all I have for right now. I'm sure some other random thought will take over my mind, and I'll once again share with you!
I hope you all have a blessed day!
Cynthia
Some of my favorite sites
Just thought I'd list some of myfavorite site for you guys to check out.
www.garyallan.com for anyone who knows me, this is self-explanatory
www.mysavings.com I have found so much free stuff on this site! I mean, everything from free shampoo samples to a free sleeping bag, to much, much more! check it out!
www.winster.com you can play free games (slot social is my fav!) and earn actual points for various prizes!
www.houseparty.com you can register to hold a party at your house to test new porducts ot screen new t.v. shows before they air!
www.webdigestweekly.com great site! Features different artist each week, ranging from illustrators, poets, novelists, etc., and Q&A with lots of really cool people!
I'll probably add to this list from time to time. I just wanted to share with you what's sparking my interest these days!
www.garyallan.com for anyone who knows me, this is self-explanatory
www.mysavings.com I have found so much free stuff on this site! I mean, everything from free shampoo samples to a free sleeping bag, to much, much more! check it out!
www.winster.com you can play free games (slot social is my fav!) and earn actual points for various prizes!
www.houseparty.com you can register to hold a party at your house to test new porducts ot screen new t.v. shows before they air!
www.webdigestweekly.com great site! Features different artist each week, ranging from illustrators, poets, novelists, etc., and Q&A with lots of really cool people!
I'll probably add to this list from time to time. I just wanted to share with you what's sparking my interest these days!
Teardrops Fall From Heaven
Teardrops Fall From Heaven
Teardrops fall from Heaven
As they do my eye
Angels show their sorrow
Bow their heads and cry
They see our breaking hearts
They feel our loss and pain
They show they understand
By letting out the rain
Heavenly angels reaching out
Trying to wash it all away
Wanting us to know
We’ll see him again one day
God called him home
For reasons we don’t know
And one day we’ll rejoice
Happy he got to go
But for now we’ll hang our heads
For an angel who had to fly
Teardrops fall from Heaven
As we say goodbye.
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
Teardrops fall from Heaven
As they do my eye
Angels show their sorrow
Bow their heads and cry
They see our breaking hearts
They feel our loss and pain
They show they understand
By letting out the rain
Heavenly angels reaching out
Trying to wash it all away
Wanting us to know
We’ll see him again one day
God called him home
For reasons we don’t know
And one day we’ll rejoice
Happy he got to go
But for now we’ll hang our heads
For an angel who had to fly
Teardrops fall from Heaven
As we say goodbye.
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
This Is How Life Has To Be
This Is How Life Has To Be
Cry no more tears for me
This is how life has to be
Feel no pain in your heart
Everyone has to be apart
Lose no sleep late at night
It may seem wrong, but it’s alright
Don’t lose sight because I’m out of touch
Always remember I love you so much
Let go of loneliness, it’ll only hurt
Remember only my body goes in the dirt
My spirit lives on; my soul is free
This is how life has to be
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
Cry no more tears for me
This is how life has to be
Feel no pain in your heart
Everyone has to be apart
Lose no sleep late at night
It may seem wrong, but it’s alright
Don’t lose sight because I’m out of touch
Always remember I love you so much
Let go of loneliness, it’ll only hurt
Remember only my body goes in the dirt
My spirit lives on; my soul is free
This is how life has to be
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
Some poetry I wrote a while back
The Art of Being Me
In the twilight of my day
The only worry I have
Is if I’ll see
The twilight of my tomorrow
Nothing that’s ever promised
Has been a guarantee
This is the art
The art of being me
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
Disillusion
Seeing the world
Through rose-colored glasses
Through guilt-free tears
And sincere fake-smiles
Knowing that as long as you deny
Then it isn’t so
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
I Am a Mother
I am a mother
To a child
Full of life
Giving of love
A touch of doubt
A pinch of resistance
Right in her nature
Mature for her age
Wanting her to learn
Yet stay little
I am a mother
To a child
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
In the twilight of my day
The only worry I have
Is if I’ll see
The twilight of my tomorrow
Nothing that’s ever promised
Has been a guarantee
This is the art
The art of being me
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
Disillusion
Seeing the world
Through rose-colored glasses
Through guilt-free tears
And sincere fake-smiles
Knowing that as long as you deny
Then it isn’t so
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
I Am a Mother
I am a mother
To a child
Full of life
Giving of love
A touch of doubt
A pinch of resistance
Right in her nature
Mature for her age
Wanting her to learn
Yet stay little
I am a mother
To a child
Cynthia Dockery Allgood
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