Baby Fever

My sister is pregnant with her second child. She's having a little boy, due in June. My friends Melissa and Bill are expecting a little girl. I believe she's due in June as well. I am so happy and excited for them both, but I must confess: I WANT A BABY!!!!

Anyone that knows me knows this isn't new. I've been ranting and raving about it for some time now. The things is, for a few months, I'll want a baby, then I'll change my mind. I think about how wonderful it would be to give Josh a son or daughter, and Nicole a brother or sister. I think about how I enjoyed being pregnant with Nicole 10 years ago, and how healthy I was then. I remember all the attention I would get, everyone making a fuss over my expanding belly. It was magical.

Then I think about all the stuff I could do if I were pregnant, or had a baby. No more modeling, no theme park rides, no bikini shopping, no more feeling like a young mother. I'd be the woman with a 10 year old and a newborn. Some people would call that crazy.

I had a dream Saturday night about me being pregnant. Melissa was in the dream too. Then Sunday night, I had a dream about Melissa and my sister Felisha. Is it that I'm just so obsessed about being pregnant that I have baby fever, resulting in such dreams?

I was 19 when I became pregnant with Nicole. I didn't know then how precious that time is. Now that I'm 29, and having trouble getting pregnant, I feel like I may have taken it for granted. There's a chance I'll never physically have another baby again. To realize that breaks my heart. The one thing I wasn't ready to do at 19 I want to do at 29. Go Figure.

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