What to do when you've lost yourself

I have blogged in over 2 months now. Not that there hasn't been plenty to blog about, because there has been an abundance of every day going ons that I sure would spark someone's interest. The point is, I've lost myself, which seems to be the opposite of what I had hoped to be this time of year, especially now. I had a hysterectomy back in September, which has improved my health tremendously. I no longer suffer from the debilitating pain that occured on a daily basis. I forgot what life was like without physical pain. I have been suffering from daily headaches since October, but the pain is nowhere near what I had experienced with the Endometriosis.

So, here I am, feeling lost. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm working full time at the DOL, and part-time as a supervisor at Kmart. When I'm not working, I'm tryingto tend to Nicole's emotional needs/wants, as she too doesn't know what to do with herself.

I feel like I'm not enjoying life as Ishould, or even living is as I should for that matter. Christmas is right around the corner, and I've realized I buy for everyone to make myself feel better. I really don't care about getting presents, because I find joy in watching everyone else open their presents from me. Of course, I tend to go overboard, and end up regretting that in the long run.

I wish I felt like really writing. I remember when I was younger, I was passionate about aspects of my life, and would write poetry as if I were repeatedly writng my name. Words seemed to flow, never-ending. I could sit and write a number of poems a day, each reflecting on a different part of myself, each full of emotion and conviction. I had an emagination that knew no bounds, writing as if I had fell into the rabbit hole from Alice In Wonderland. Nowadays, I do good to write even a small handful of poems in a year's time. I feel no passion for anything. I just feel as I'm here, nothing more. I truly hope the New Year offers some purpose.