I'm Walking For Babies!

This past Friday, I had an opportunity arise that I felt compelled to take advantage of. On May 3rd, I will be participating in the March of Dimes Walk in Chattanooga, TN. This will be the first charity walk I've ever done, and I feel really good about it. I'm in the process of raising money for the cause, and I hope to raise at least $200. If you're interested in donating, check out the link below:

http://www.marchforbabies.org/gapeach79

You can donate from this page, as well as check out my page and the other members of my team, The Chattanooga Cherries! Also, if you'd like to come out and give us some moral support, we'd appreciate that too!

blah, blah, blah

I'm not sure what I really feel like writing about today, I just feel like writing. It's Monday. and Mondays are always such a strain for me. I never want to get up. Of course, Iwas up until Midnight, and woke up a few times throughout the night. that may have had something to do with the sweet tea and candy I had before going to sleep. What can I say, I have a sweet tooth, and it usually strikes at night.

Josh and I spent all weekend being lazy. I didn't even get out of my pjs Saturday until about 7 pm. We watched Ultimate Fighter all day Saturday. Pretty fun. I like watching how all these guys live together, then fight each other. Or how there's a few who talk smack about each other, fight, then say how much respect thet have for the other one. It's pretty funny.

Yesterday, we watched CSI: Miami for most of the day and night. The acting isn't that great, but I am a sucker for the storylines. I like trying to figure out what's going on and who done it. I'm pretty good at it, better than Josh anyway. What's funny is that Nicole has a pretty good grasp of what's going on most of the time too. That's quite impressive for a 9 year old.

Anyway, I'm tired, and I still have about 2 hours of work left, then a ball game. If I can get out of here in time, I can go home and take a 30 minute nap, or at least veg out on the sofa for 30 minutes. You guys have fun...

Baby Fever

My sister is pregnant with her second child. She's having a little boy, due in June. My friends Melissa and Bill are expecting a little girl. I believe she's due in June as well. I am so happy and excited for them both, but I must confess: I WANT A BABY!!!!

Anyone that knows me knows this isn't new. I've been ranting and raving about it for some time now. The things is, for a few months, I'll want a baby, then I'll change my mind. I think about how wonderful it would be to give Josh a son or daughter, and Nicole a brother or sister. I think about how I enjoyed being pregnant with Nicole 10 years ago, and how healthy I was then. I remember all the attention I would get, everyone making a fuss over my expanding belly. It was magical.

Then I think about all the stuff I could do if I were pregnant, or had a baby. No more modeling, no theme park rides, no bikini shopping, no more feeling like a young mother. I'd be the woman with a 10 year old and a newborn. Some people would call that crazy.

I had a dream Saturday night about me being pregnant. Melissa was in the dream too. Then Sunday night, I had a dream about Melissa and my sister Felisha. Is it that I'm just so obsessed about being pregnant that I have baby fever, resulting in such dreams?

I was 19 when I became pregnant with Nicole. I didn't know then how precious that time is. Now that I'm 29, and having trouble getting pregnant, I feel like I may have taken it for granted. There's a chance I'll never physically have another baby again. To realize that breaks my heart. The one thing I wasn't ready to do at 19 I want to do at 29. Go Figure.

I'm Featured!!

Check it out: http://www.webdigestweekly.com/

One of my poems is featured, and I'm quite proud I must say. :) Yay me!

I need help, or lessons in self-control

For the past few nights, I've been eating cake icing. Yeah, you read it right. Chocolate fudge cake icing. After Nicole goes to sleep, I pull the tub of sweet chocolaty goodness out of the fridge and lose myself in it's euphoric, endorphin-inducing love. My husband just looks at me and laughs. I'm not sure if he's laughing because I look ridiculous carrying around a container of cake topping, along with spoon and Coke in hand. I'm not sure if the bad part is that I'm consuming this stuff, or that I'm doing it at 10 o'clock at night. I know I should feel bad, or at least guilty, but I don't. I find that indulging in such sweets reduces my stress, and makes me feel so much better. It's like getting a hug from your favorite grandmother.

Now for the even worse part. I brought my icing to work with me today, and have been eating it on the sly. How gluttonous can one person be? Right now, I feel like puking from eating as much as I have. This was/is to be the year I started eating healthier and exercising. From the looks of things, I've not kept that promise to myself at all. Then again, I never set an actual date as to when I would start doing all of those positive things I just mentioned. Maybe sometime after Valentines would be a good choice at this point. Who can really expect me to not eat chocolate when we are on the heels of the commercially-pushed chocolate season? Maybe I can blame society for subliminally sabotaging my diet before I even started it. How's that for putting the blame elsewhere? :)

Daniel "Danny" J. Gokey

Season 8 of American Idol kicked off Tuesday night, and much to my delight, there were quite a few "freaks" on the show. I know it's horrible to take delight in how these people are oblivious to the fact that they can't sing, but I am only human.

Wednesday night offered a few more sad, unfortunate individuals, but there was a truly unique, talented person who caught my eye. Daniel J. Gokey, a 28 year old music teacher from Wisconsin. What made his story so touching was the fact that his wife Sophia had passed away 4 weeks before his audition. To know that he had the strength to keep living his life and pursue his dreams despite such a devastating loss was and is truly inspiring. Oh, and did I mention he looks like Robert Downey Jr.? That just upped his coolness right there. That, and the fact that he can really sing!

So, from the start, I'm rooting for Danny. I know some would say it's early to pick a favorite, but I'm gonna stick with my gut feeling on this one. I hope you all get a chance to watch, and that you too see the talent in this young man.

Where does time go?

The other night, I stood in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. I remembered that I had looked at the clock before I went in there, and the time was 10:47pm. It occured to me that I had been home from work for 6 hours, yet it felt like the night had flew by. I began to wonder where the time went. I can account for 6 hours at work, they tend to drag on. It just seemed to me that my evenings at home with the family are never long enough, which is sad because here lately, I've been spending that time in negative moods. If I'm not angry and aggitated, then I'm tired and worn down. Sometimes, the hours after work seem so busy, so rushed, that even if I am in a good mood, I don't slow down enough to enjoy it. It's really starting to bother me.

I look at Nicole and realize I need to change my ways. She is now 9 years old, and growing up everyday. Before I know it, she will be grown and gone, and I'll wonder where the time went. I'll only have myself to blame for not living in the "now", and truly enjoying it. Ican only hope that it isn't too late, and that time will begin to slow down for me, and I canenjoy every minute of it.