As a child, I thought my days were long. During the summer, I'd spend lazy days playing outside for hours, whether it be laying in a field, feeling the summer breeze tickle my skin, or trapsing through the woods, showing no fear of what might be lurking behind the pines. I'd stare out the window on school days, day-dreaming about what I would be like as an adult. I recall wondering how people began dating, how they started conversations that led to relationships. During winter break, my days were filled with watching endless hours of t.v., and helping Mama make homemade ornaments or her yummy fudge.
The days seemed long, as did the nights. Time seemed to go on forever. I remember when 5 minutes felt like a lifetime, and the antipation of Christmas that began at Thanksgiving dinner seemed to never end. Waiting for the last week of school to conclude was like waiting for a rainstorm in a desert drought. As a child, life was all about waiting.
I'm 30 now, and boy has life changed. Now that I'm a mother, a full-time worker and full-time student, I no longer know what breaks are. They seem to be thouse things I get while bathing, until someone barges in to ask a random question, or to hand me the phone for a conversation that could have waiting 10 more minutes. My days are no longer care-free, though from the time I leave my house for work, and get back home at the end of the day now seems longer than it used to. I guess that's the only part that does seem long.
Time flys by, more so now than it did. I believe the older I get, the shorter my days will seem. I don't know if there comes a point in time when it all slows down again, but I'd embrace it. Looking at my 10 year old daughter, who went from birth to 10 rather quickly, I might add, I'd embrace time slowing down now, before she grows up and no longer has time for her mama. I guess the bottom line is, I want my life to slow down enough for me to enjoy it.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I lose sight when I'm out of touch
I haven't blogged in ages, and for no good reason. My only excuse would be that I have been preoccupied with the day-to-day of my life, nothing of great significance I can assure you.
I start back to college in about a week and a half. Returning to school and obtaining a degree is something I always knew I would do, but like with high school, I didn't set an actual timeframe for myself for completing it. An Associates Degree in Criminal Justice is what I plan on working towards. Is there a chance I'll change my major? Yes, mainly because I'm still "on the fence" about what I want to do as a career. I would love to help children, and right now I'm focusing my efforts on obtaining a degree and becoming a detective so I can work for the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force, or some other intity of that nature. Online internet predators are a real, and growing danger towards our children. Being able to stop those individuals and apprehend them before they get the chance to physically harm a child is what I want to do. Children are innocent and get sucked into the brutally glamourized bandwagon we call the internet. They see the appeal and power, as well as freedom the internet offers, and are rendered powerless when they befriend the enemy, a child predator. The internet is a great technological tool of our times, but it has been used against the innocent time and time again.
I have to do something to make a difference in this world. God put me here for a reason, and I'm still here for a reason. I have to help save our children from this growing, vile epidemic that threatens what is innocent and pure in our offspring. Our children are already exposed to more than we could ever imagine, causing them to have to grow up faster than we did. Let's do our best to try to salvage what litle bit is left of their childhood, and just let them be kids.
I start back to college in about a week and a half. Returning to school and obtaining a degree is something I always knew I would do, but like with high school, I didn't set an actual timeframe for myself for completing it. An Associates Degree in Criminal Justice is what I plan on working towards. Is there a chance I'll change my major? Yes, mainly because I'm still "on the fence" about what I want to do as a career. I would love to help children, and right now I'm focusing my efforts on obtaining a degree and becoming a detective so I can work for the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force, or some other intity of that nature. Online internet predators are a real, and growing danger towards our children. Being able to stop those individuals and apprehend them before they get the chance to physically harm a child is what I want to do. Children are innocent and get sucked into the brutally glamourized bandwagon we call the internet. They see the appeal and power, as well as freedom the internet offers, and are rendered powerless when they befriend the enemy, a child predator. The internet is a great technological tool of our times, but it has been used against the innocent time and time again.
I have to do something to make a difference in this world. God put me here for a reason, and I'm still here for a reason. I have to help save our children from this growing, vile epidemic that threatens what is innocent and pure in our offspring. Our children are already exposed to more than we could ever imagine, causing them to have to grow up faster than we did. Let's do our best to try to salvage what litle bit is left of their childhood, and just let them be kids.
Monday, November 30, 2009
What to do when you've lost yourself
I have blogged in over 2 months now. Not that there hasn't been plenty to blog about, because there has been an abundance of every day going ons that I sure would spark someone's interest. The point is, I've lost myself, which seems to be the opposite of what I had hoped to be this time of year, especially now. I had a hysterectomy back in September, which has improved my health tremendously. I no longer suffer from the debilitating pain that occured on a daily basis. I forgot what life was like without physical pain. I have been suffering from daily headaches since October, but the pain is nowhere near what I had experienced with the Endometriosis.
So, here I am, feeling lost. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm working full time at the DOL, and part-time as a supervisor at Kmart. When I'm not working, I'm tryingto tend to Nicole's emotional needs/wants, as she too doesn't know what to do with herself.
I feel like I'm not enjoying life as Ishould, or even living is as I should for that matter. Christmas is right around the corner, and I've realized I buy for everyone to make myself feel better. I really don't care about getting presents, because I find joy in watching everyone else open their presents from me. Of course, I tend to go overboard, and end up regretting that in the long run.
I wish I felt like really writing. I remember when I was younger, I was passionate about aspects of my life, and would write poetry as if I were repeatedly writng my name. Words seemed to flow, never-ending. I could sit and write a number of poems a day, each reflecting on a different part of myself, each full of emotion and conviction. I had an emagination that knew no bounds, writing as if I had fell into the rabbit hole from Alice In Wonderland. Nowadays, I do good to write even a small handful of poems in a year's time. I feel no passion for anything. I just feel as I'm here, nothing more. I truly hope the New Year offers some purpose.
So, here I am, feeling lost. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm working full time at the DOL, and part-time as a supervisor at Kmart. When I'm not working, I'm tryingto tend to Nicole's emotional needs/wants, as she too doesn't know what to do with herself.
I feel like I'm not enjoying life as Ishould, or even living is as I should for that matter. Christmas is right around the corner, and I've realized I buy for everyone to make myself feel better. I really don't care about getting presents, because I find joy in watching everyone else open their presents from me. Of course, I tend to go overboard, and end up regretting that in the long run.
I wish I felt like really writing. I remember when I was younger, I was passionate about aspects of my life, and would write poetry as if I were repeatedly writng my name. Words seemed to flow, never-ending. I could sit and write a number of poems a day, each reflecting on a different part of myself, each full of emotion and conviction. I had an emagination that knew no bounds, writing as if I had fell into the rabbit hole from Alice In Wonderland. Nowadays, I do good to write even a small handful of poems in a year's time. I feel no passion for anything. I just feel as I'm here, nothing more. I truly hope the New Year offers some purpose.
Friday, September 11, 2009
An Article I wrote about two years ago
One of my friends came across this article that I had written, that I had actually forgotten about. Thought I would share:
Some people would say, "Of course there's a link between infertility and depression. Wouldn't you be depressed if you tried to conceive and couldn't?" Point well taken. As the layers of this subject are peeled back, and the nature of this "relationship" is revealed, more relevant points will be made, and hopefully, a better understanding of how the mind and body work together, and against, each other.
Depression is one of those subjects that some handle too lightly, while others don't handle lightly enough. Most of this stems from ignorance, lack of information about the disease, it's symptoms, treatment, and how it affects everyone, not just those who personally suffer from it. Infertility is a lot like that as well. Once most women reveal to others that can't conceive, it either becomes a hush-hush subject, or everyone is offering advice, usually unwanted at that. People should realize that with both depression and infertility, as well as any other condition, manners and respect should be shown when discussing it. Let the person dealing with it talk, and if they ask for your opinion or advice, only then should you speak up.
As a society, most of us are aware that when something you deem as traumatic or live-changing in a negative way takes place in your life, depression will run its course, whether it be for a short duration, or over a long period of time. Unlike sadness, depression eats at your thoughts, sucks away your energy, leaving you a shell of your former self.
Women who try to conceive and find out they can't because of infertility are more likely to be depressed than women who don't suffer from infertility. This makes sense. As we look closer at the two, we find that the symptoms can be reversed, and you get the same outcome. A woman can be depressed, and the depression can trigger infertility. Is it possible? Yes, and we'll look at how.
Studies have show that women who have healthy eating habits, and get regular exercise and sleep are more likely to conceive than females who eat junk food and live a sedentary lifestyle. So, what does this have to do with depression? A lot. Women who are depressed do not eat well, have no energy for exercise or anything else, and most are sleep deprived, or don't sleep well when then do sleep. The physical ramifications of depression are just as much a problem as the mental and emotional strains it puts on a person. Steps can be taken however, to check for problems with both depression and infertility. Deciding what to do next is one of the most important parts.
After it had been established that one suffers from both depression and infertility, all options should be discussed. Your doctor may want to treat you for depression, and infertility, but it may be better to deal with the depression first. If a person can get through the depression ,and start living a happy, healthy life, tests for infertility should be ran again. There's no need to get on fertility drugs unless you want to take the chance to have multiple births. Being happy, getting plenty of sleep and exercise, and eating healthy may be all the help you need. Also, give yourself time to conceive. It is suggested that women under 35 try for at least 12 months be for consulting their doctor. Over 35, should try for 6 months. In addition, an ovulation kit and fertility monitor bought over the counter may be something to consider as well.
No matter which came first, the depression or the infertility, taking care of one's self is always top priority. Regular physicals and check ups should always be a part of your life, to make sure you stay healthy and happy!
Some people would say, "Of course there's a link between infertility and depression. Wouldn't you be depressed if you tried to conceive and couldn't?" Point well taken. As the layers of this subject are peeled back, and the nature of this "relationship" is revealed, more relevant points will be made, and hopefully, a better understanding of how the mind and body work together, and against, each other.
Depression is one of those subjects that some handle too lightly, while others don't handle lightly enough. Most of this stems from ignorance, lack of information about the disease, it's symptoms, treatment, and how it affects everyone, not just those who personally suffer from it. Infertility is a lot like that as well. Once most women reveal to others that can't conceive, it either becomes a hush-hush subject, or everyone is offering advice, usually unwanted at that. People should realize that with both depression and infertility, as well as any other condition, manners and respect should be shown when discussing it. Let the person dealing with it talk, and if they ask for your opinion or advice, only then should you speak up.
As a society, most of us are aware that when something you deem as traumatic or live-changing in a negative way takes place in your life, depression will run its course, whether it be for a short duration, or over a long period of time. Unlike sadness, depression eats at your thoughts, sucks away your energy, leaving you a shell of your former self.
Women who try to conceive and find out they can't because of infertility are more likely to be depressed than women who don't suffer from infertility. This makes sense. As we look closer at the two, we find that the symptoms can be reversed, and you get the same outcome. A woman can be depressed, and the depression can trigger infertility. Is it possible? Yes, and we'll look at how.
Studies have show that women who have healthy eating habits, and get regular exercise and sleep are more likely to conceive than females who eat junk food and live a sedentary lifestyle. So, what does this have to do with depression? A lot. Women who are depressed do not eat well, have no energy for exercise or anything else, and most are sleep deprived, or don't sleep well when then do sleep. The physical ramifications of depression are just as much a problem as the mental and emotional strains it puts on a person. Steps can be taken however, to check for problems with both depression and infertility. Deciding what to do next is one of the most important parts.
After it had been established that one suffers from both depression and infertility, all options should be discussed. Your doctor may want to treat you for depression, and infertility, but it may be better to deal with the depression first. If a person can get through the depression ,and start living a happy, healthy life, tests for infertility should be ran again. There's no need to get on fertility drugs unless you want to take the chance to have multiple births. Being happy, getting plenty of sleep and exercise, and eating healthy may be all the help you need. Also, give yourself time to conceive. It is suggested that women under 35 try for at least 12 months be for consulting their doctor. Over 35, should try for 6 months. In addition, an ovulation kit and fertility monitor bought over the counter may be something to consider as well.
No matter which came first, the depression or the infertility, taking care of one's self is always top priority. Regular physicals and check ups should always be a part of your life, to make sure you stay healthy and happy!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Is Chuck Liddell a sell-out?
I was just reading over the list of the newest competitors of Dancing With The Stars. I've never really been a big fan of the sow, but seeing which celebrities sign on to compete is quite amusing at times. As I read names such as Melissa Joan Hart, Mya, and Kathy Ireland, I was a bit surprised. I was however, in complete shock to read one name in particular: Chuck Liddell.
For those who really know me, I'm a UFC fan. Chuck Liddell is one of my favorite fighters. The Iceman does a great job of holding his own in the Octogon, and I respect him for that. I'm not sure how I feel about his new gig as a dancer though. Maybe he wanted to take on a new challange, and a challange it will be. Most people wouldn't view Chuck Liddell as graceful, or even light on his feet. Thinking about seeing him do the Tango, Fox Trot, or even Waltz is unfathomable at this time. I just don't know what to make of it.
Is Chuck Liddell a sell-out? Some would say yes. Do I agree with that? Probably not. I will however, try to remember to watch an episode or two to see Chuck and his fancy foot work.
For those who really know me, I'm a UFC fan. Chuck Liddell is one of my favorite fighters. The Iceman does a great job of holding his own in the Octogon, and I respect him for that. I'm not sure how I feel about his new gig as a dancer though. Maybe he wanted to take on a new challange, and a challange it will be. Most people wouldn't view Chuck Liddell as graceful, or even light on his feet. Thinking about seeing him do the Tango, Fox Trot, or even Waltz is unfathomable at this time. I just don't know what to make of it.
Is Chuck Liddell a sell-out? Some would say yes. Do I agree with that? Probably not. I will however, try to remember to watch an episode or two to see Chuck and his fancy foot work.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Mondays are tiring
School started back for Nicole last Friday, so I'm having to back into the "school" schedule. Thanks to Nicole wanting to run out the door and get to school exceptionally early, I arrived at work 40 minutes before my start time. Thank you Nicole, for making your mom prompt :)
It's around 4 pm, which means I will be out of here in a few minutes. I'm tired. I've been yawning for a while. I would blame it on lack of sleep, but my friend Benedryl rocked me peacefully to sleep last night. I also washed the bedding, and sprayed everything down with Fabreze, so the bed smelled and felt nice, like what I imagine clouds in Heaven are like. Between you and me, if I'd actually drink water, I'd probably feel a lot better. that, and if I were to motivate myself to exercise every once in a while, though I know I should be shaking my bon bon everyday....
Mondays wear me out, as I'm sure they do most people who keep a weekday work schedule. The only thing I like about Mondays is the fact that I get to watch one of my most favorite shows tonight: Secret Life of the American Teenager. I know it's meant for a younger crowd, like around 13 to 18, but I like the show because it gives me the opportunity to talk to Nicole about sex. For those of you who don't know, the show is about an Honors student who gets pregnant at 15, and how it has impacted her life. Not the Disney channel by any means, but I'm not raising a sheltered child either. So, that's what I have to look forward to this Monday. That, and the fact that I have $800 worth of Premier Jewelry waiting for me at home (don't worry, it's not all mine). Did I mention I'm watching my 2 month old nephew for a week while my sister and her husband go to Florida? Good times keep on comin'...
It's around 4 pm, which means I will be out of here in a few minutes. I'm tired. I've been yawning for a while. I would blame it on lack of sleep, but my friend Benedryl rocked me peacefully to sleep last night. I also washed the bedding, and sprayed everything down with Fabreze, so the bed smelled and felt nice, like what I imagine clouds in Heaven are like. Between you and me, if I'd actually drink water, I'd probably feel a lot better. that, and if I were to motivate myself to exercise every once in a while, though I know I should be shaking my bon bon everyday....
Mondays wear me out, as I'm sure they do most people who keep a weekday work schedule. The only thing I like about Mondays is the fact that I get to watch one of my most favorite shows tonight: Secret Life of the American Teenager. I know it's meant for a younger crowd, like around 13 to 18, but I like the show because it gives me the opportunity to talk to Nicole about sex. For those of you who don't know, the show is about an Honors student who gets pregnant at 15, and how it has impacted her life. Not the Disney channel by any means, but I'm not raising a sheltered child either. So, that's what I have to look forward to this Monday. That, and the fact that I have $800 worth of Premier Jewelry waiting for me at home (don't worry, it's not all mine). Did I mention I'm watching my 2 month old nephew for a week while my sister and her husband go to Florida? Good times keep on comin'...
Friday, August 7, 2009
My beautiful baby girl
Nicole isn't little anymore, nor is she a baby, but she will always be my baby. My baby is growing up, and though I miss her being little and don't really want her to grow up, I'm proud of the young lady she is becoming. She has some beauty pageants coming up, and I hope she does well. For those of you wondering, they're natural beauty pageants. I'd never put my child in a glitz pageant. Those are not for us. Besides, Nicole doesn't require a spray tan or false eyelashes. God gave her what she needs :)
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